BREAKING: Paris Hilton's Dogs are Alive and Well

CNN links to a People magazine article reporting that Paris Hilton's dogs are doing fine, despite Internet reports that they were eaten by a coyote.

After the recent deluge of news stories about the impending financial doom for our blessed country, I'm so fucking glad that her dogs are doing fine.

A better scenario would be that Paris herself would be eaten by coyotes while walking down the street after a uninhibited shopping spree. They would still be hungry, I'm sure. We could then use all the money she did nothing to earn, ahem, I mean inherited, and give it to the homeless. Coyotes could save the world.

I know it's easy to take potshots at that do-nothing cunt, but CNN really needs to fire whoever lets this non-story celebrity bullshit on their front page.