Ben Assfleck and Other Metrosexual Hollywood Fakes I Hate

Note: This was written back in December, but I'm just now publishing it. In light of what I wrote then, let me add that I attempted to watch The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou and it made me hate Owen Wilson even more than I already do. I got most of the way through it, but I just couldn't finish it...something about Wes Anderson movies...as much as I thought I would like them, I hated them.

Oh, and Ben Affleck put out another shitty film entitled Surviving Christmas which bombed.

On with the fun...

There seems to be a fairly close group of people who all kind of came around during the mid to late 90's or so. These people being:

The Good (these are people who can play main characters and command full attention of the screen. They have at least a running average of making more movies that don't suck than do, and they don't make me want to take a baseball bat to my TV when I see them. Some of them might even get nominated for an Academy Award.):
-Brad Pitt
-Johnny Depp
-Edward Norton
-Matt Damon
-Jude Law

The Mediocre: (These two have a good mix of half good/half bad movies. They will probably never be nominated for anything and will always be considered "Not great, but not bad.")
-Ben Stiller
-Ethan Hawke

The Bad and the Ugly (These little Hollywood bitchboys make me wish for nuclear holocaust):
-Leonardo DiCaprio
-Owen Wilson
-Ben Affleck
-Colin Farrell

I'm sure there are more in this group, perhaps some that even didn't make it, but for now, we'll focus on these people.

Brad Pitt - The quintessential actor of Hollywood. He's at the top of every woman's fantasy and amazingly, he's even a great actor. He's done many great movies and I didn't even have to search IMDB.com to remember them. How about: Fight Club, Kalifornia, Snatch, Spy Game, Se7en, Legends of the Fall, Interview with the Vampire, True Romance, and Meet Joe Black.

Johnny Depp and Jude Law - Both of these actors have really come around. Depp at least has some acting time under his belt, and Jude Law has at least done some obscure movies that I think are good.

Edward Norton - He did one of his best movies first, Primal Fear. An excellent debut. After that, he's done some of these movies, which I like: Red Dragon, Death to Smoochy, Fight Club, American History X, Rounders, The People vs. Larry Flynt, and of course, Primal Fear. All decent movies. Sure he's had some duds, but he's at least got some hope in his resume.

Matt Damon - Not a bad actor. Certainly, he deserves at least a spot in the top 5 in my list. He's done at least 4 good movies that I like, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Rounders, Saving Private Ryan, and Good Will Hunting. Unfortunately he's friends with Ben Affleck, which makes me suspicious of him.

Ben Stiller and Ethan Hawke - These two guys will probably never really make it big in a classical sense. They will always have bright spots here and there, but they will never get that one "big big big" movie that distinguishes them from the first list.

Now for the extremely overrated Hollywood idiots that I can't stand. I swear these momma's boys have no personal integrity and will do anything for a dollar. I can't even explain how they got to be in their present position of being called an actor. They are anything but. Seriously, I can't understand how these actors got to be where they are. Looking over their list of movies, one finds that when you add it all up, the amount of bad movies far outweighs any good movies they have done. Most of them don't even have one movie on IMDB.com where they were the lead actor and got over a 6.5. Also, none of these actors have any history in acting. They all just sort of came about in the 90's and then suddenly there they were. Basically what I'm saying is that even though they may get "big parts", the movies they are in are mediocre at best. Not one of these overpaid pricks have done a movie that they have been a principal character in that is thought-provoking or creative in any sense.

This is a tough list because honestly, I can't figure out which one sucks the least.

Ok, DiCaprio deserves the vanity award. He is by far the most "perfect" looking of them all. His only redeeming movie is Catch Me if you Can, but it still wasn't that great. Other than that, his list of movies isn't worth watching.

Owen Wilson is just annoying. He's not really that big of an actor, but he's like the Slick Eel of Hollywood because he keeps slipping into movies, but no one really understands how he got there. I just looked over his list of movies and he's played in a few movies with Ben Stiller, but for some reason, Stiller doesn't bother me like Wilson does. I think it's just that his acting just sucks. It's not that he's really a threat, he's just not a good actor and somehow weasels his way into some of the movies I watch.

Out of anyone on this list, these last two guys keep getting commercially big box office hits, but there's a problem: they all blow!

Colin Farrell - I'm thoroughly perplexed at how he still has a job in Hollywood. Farrell just magically appeared around the late 90's in a few obscure movies, then made a couple big ones. His only remotely decent movie is Minority Report. Farrell just makes me cringe.

But the actor that is like a shining beacon of shittiness above all the rest is Ben Affleck. Most of the time there is a filter called auditions that keeps people like Affleck from getting a big part. The thing I hate about Affleck so much is that people keep giving him a chance both on the set and in the theaters. Boycott this guy! A look at his Hollywood career proves that he's done virtually nothing good that he was the main star in. Easily the best movie he's been in was Good Will Hunting, followed by Chasing Amy, and Boiler Room. Those are the only good movies he has been in and probably will ever be in. His monumental bomb was Gigli, followed by Daredevil, Surviving Christmas, and a whole slew of other movies, none of which I've seen, by the way. A cursory glance on IMDB will make you realize that you want to steer clear of any movies that this guy is in. I'm pretty sure even he knows that he sucks.

I can also prove that Affleck sucks by pure mathematical equations. I added up the 20 movies that Affleck has been in in the past 12 years that he was at least a principal character in, and divided by the number of movies to get an average of a whopping 5.8! Ben, your track record isn't looking too good. Boycott this overpaid, overhyped, talentless piece of shit already.

Here's a funny story I found on a message board about him:

Affleck Rejects TV Cameo

Ben Affleck has turned down the chance to make a cameo appearance in Canadian TV show Degrassi: The Next Generation, despite director pal Kevin Smith's desperate attempts. Jersey Girl director Smith will fulfill a life-long ambition when he appears in three episodes of the show, a spin-off of his favourite childhood programme Degrassi: Junior High, which ran from 1986-1991. Smith has convinced Canadian singer Alanis Morissette - who starred in his 1999 film Dogma - to make a cameo appearance and hoped Affleck would join them. But the actor wants to stay out of the limelight following his split from Jennifer Lopez and a succession of movie flops. Smith explains, "Affleck, honestly, could use the work right now. What better way to reboot your career than starring in a Canadian melodrama? He was just like, 'You know what, dude? I'm a little too high profile right now. I'm trying to scale back.' He was just feeling the burn. It's been a bad *beep* year for him, and he keeps getting the s**t kicked out of him. I'm not gonna add to this dude's misery right now, where you know the episode would air and people would be like, 'Affleck winds up in Canadian teen soap opera.' And they'd somehow tie it into Jennifer Lopez."

I also don't like Brendan Fraser or Vin Diesel, but we won't get into that here. Brendan Fraser is just a nobody. Vin Diesel, he's just a terrible actor. His acting is about on par with your average porno star.

At any rate, NONE of these actors except maybe Pitt and Depp are close to being timeless actors, such as these guys:
-Robert DeNiro
-Kevin Spacey
-Al Pacino
-George Clooney

Also, I think Christian Bale is a great actor.