I'm a Coffee Guy in a Stoner Place

When I was a couple years younger and more diverse in my taste of music, there was a punk song called, World's on Heroin by the band All that I found on a compilation record, Punk-o-rama 3. The lyrics tell the tale of frustration from a guy who feels that the rest of the world is full of dolts who just kind of float through life without any real purpose, as if they are on heroin. He wishes everyone was on speed because at least they would be productive. I couldn't agree more. When I go out in the world, I find that people in general are just slow. They don't move or think fast enough. I bust my ass when I'm in line in front of other people to be efficient, do what I have to do, and go on about my day.
The other day I wanted to kill this lady in line in front of me for the drive-up ATM at the bank. I pull behind this lady who has decided to start tallying her checks and balances at the beginning of the lane at the bank. She's not at an ATM, she is just blocking the lane to the ATM. I pull up and wait about 90 seconds before she finally sees me behind her. She moves forward slowly as if unsure of what to do next. She pulls up to the first ATM and I go to the second one. I know my PIN, I know how much money I need, and I'm familiar with modern-day ATM's to navigate through the menus with ease. I grab my money, my card, and my receipt and I'm done in less than 45 seconds. The lady in front of me (middle aged women in SUV's really piss me off) hasn't even put her card in the ATM yet and I'm already done and ready to leave. She's still performing high intensity math calculations on her hand. She's probably signing checks from her triple-digit job downtown. Too busy and/or too stupid to worry about the people behind her. By this time, there are two other people behind me and I have no escape route. I'm kind of curious how long she's actually going to take. Every second I get more angry. I resort to a short beep of the horn in which I am successful at getting her attention, but not at getting her to move any faster. She scans her rear-view and notices that the same silly jackass that was behind her before is now trying to leave. No big deal. Just ignore me. I shut my car off, settle in, and just stare at this dumbass lady wondering what the fuck is going through her head. After about 4-5 minutes, she inches her way from the ATM, again unsure of herself, as if she's forgotten something or didn't quite do all the things she needed to do. I'm going right and I'm inching my way up, just waiting for her to FINALLY PULL THE FUCK FORWARD enough so that I can leave. Eternities pass and finally it's wide open. I gas it, almost hitting her but I don't. I fly out of the bank parking lot, ten times more pissed than when I came.

This song is for you, you dumb bitch, and everyone that is like you:



"World's On Heroin"
the world's on heroin
i'm on strike against all this laziness
i try to go for all despite all the underachievers
from the government to the drive thru guy
delayed results with no reasons why
my only guess they must be high
i want to put an end to all of them
but i don't know where to begin
cause i'm pretty sure the world's on heroin

the world's on heroin
everybody is standing in my way
i try to use my brain
but stupidity is thrown in my face
i'm a coffee guy in a stoner place
and the world keeps turning at a turtle's pace
get it over with check into n.a.
i want to put an end to all of them
but i don't know where to begin
cause i'm pretty sure the world's on heroin
if i had my way i'd prefer if everyone was on speed
i'm so sick of the no can dos and the failures you concede
at any rate from the looks of things everyone's nodding out
but me
the world's on heroin
too many lazy morons in my face
the world's on heroin
everybody acts like a zombie
i'm not saying that i'm better than them
i don't have the kind of time to spend
with slacker types trying to be my friend i
want to put an end to all of them
but i don't know where to begin
cause i'm pretty sure the world's on heroin
yeah i'm pretty sure the world's on heroin heroin