Rattling Craig Clevenger's Cage

Back in October, I sent an email to Craig Clevenger when his website was probably a little less known on the Internet than it is now.

Here's what I wrote: "I've been following your site for a few weeks now after being referred by the Palahniuk site. I'm currently reading CH and I love it. I found a book I really look forward to reading. I tried to find it at the major local bookstores, with no luck. So I ordered it from Amazon."

The next day on his site, he wrote this:

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Rattling Cages 
Okay, just got off the phone with my editor, perhaps after too little sleep and cracking after yet another "I can't find your book anywhere" type of email. I've got a New York Times bestselling author shouting about the 'Handbook' on every stop of his tour, site traffic that's increasing daily along with interview requests, and still people can't find the book. Not to mention there's film buzz, a paperback that's been released so it's more affordable than the hardcover. And said paperback has a glowing endorsement from the aforementioned author which might- and I'm no marketing expert, here- persuade someone to pick it up and read a page or two. I've made the rounds here in Los Angeles, doing drop-ins at bookstores to sign stock, and I've found it at exactly two places thus far. Two. What the bloody fuck?

It's time to name names. If you've tried to find The Contortionist's Handbook and haven't had any luck, then let me know- when and where... the city, state and the name of the bookstore. You can leave a comment here or shoot me a note and I'll pass it along to MacAdam/Cage. I'm kinda pissed, here.

See y'all in NYC.

Foaming at the mouth,

-Craig


Addendum

Mr. Sandman came last night and brought the Rationality Fairy with him. In the clear light of the day with a cooler head, I realize my post could be misconstrued as being unhappy with my publisher, and perhaps even my editor. I try to reserve the word fuck for the likes of, oh, I don't know, Governor Arnold.

FADE IN

Int. Day- A hallway

We see CRAIG pacing, sucking back coffee and talking into a cell phone. The VOICE on the other end of the cell phone is his editor, PAT.

CRAIG: "Dude, sorry. I'm just, like I said, kinda pissed. Not at you, at the situation."

PAT: "I understand. Let's talk."

CRAIG: "Wait a sec. I'll remove the post."

PAT: "Don't do that."

CRAIG: "I'm serious. I'm deleting it right now."

PAT: "I'm serious too, leave it up there."

CRAIG: "I'm outta line with that. Let me tone it down, at least."

PAT: "Don't do anything. I'm not going to censor you. Leave it the way it is. You're a writer, say what you want. Now let's solve this thing."

FADE OUT

How cool is that? So, it's staying, What the bloody fuck? and everthing else. But for the record, I'm pissed at the gaping holes on the 'new release' tables and the 'cl' section of fiction/literature. Again, if you've been frustrated finding the Handbook, in the U.S., the U.K., Canada or anywhere else, let me know.

Several cool interviews forthcoming... will keep y'all posted. And Chris Baer will soon be alive on the web for surfing pleasure.

~c

posted at 10:21 PM

I wrote him back after that, explaining which stores specifically I looked at, and sure enough, a couple months later I found some copies in one of those stores. I just thought that was another cool "Internet brush with a writer" story.

Whyd'ya switch?

Now that I've finally tweaked this bastard blog to where I want it, I find it's much, much easier to keep up with it through Blogger. It's pretty self-automated, so I just go in, type some stuff, and it's automatically put up on the blog. There's no worrying about the messy job of manually archiving and manually trying to link all the update pages together, on every page of the updates. It just got to be a hassle. So I've got this one about right where I want it. Although, I tried to add a background to the blog and it erased my whole template on Blogger, so I had to go back again and redo all the code, which only took a little while since I got most of it down yesterday. I think it looks good now.

GarageBand

Here's a link to some stuff that I created on GarageBand...nothing really groundbreaking, but I thought it would be cool to put it up here for people to listen to. The last two, Owensville, MO and Song2 were mostly just made as a joke, but they are pretty funny.

Here they are:
Brushed Metal
Mix
Owensville, MO.mp3
Song2.mp3

Damn you vile woman!

I love the Family Guy. I've watched every episode that has come out on DVD, although I didn't watch it when it was on TV. I think my favorite character is Stewie, although it could just as well be Brian.

Here are some links to Family Guy sites:

The official site at Fox is here: The Family Guy

Fan sites: The Family Guy Files and Planet-Family Guy

Gettin' Some Wood At Starbucks!

Back in July of 2003, unbeknownst to me at the time, I had posted something on the William Gibson Message Board that was actually read by William Gibson and he indirectly responded to it in his blog. I figured it out a couple of days after he posted it.

The link to what I wrote is here and what William Gibson wrote is here and here.

My original post was called Gettin' Some Wood at Starbucks and here's what I wrote:

"Has anyone ever gotten annoyed at these things? Those stir sticks they have at Starbucks don't stir anything, especially if you have sugar at the bottom! I've tried and tried and all it does is move the sugar around. Sugar does not always dissolve because when I get to the bottom of the cup there is always more sugar. In my search for the perfect cuppa at home, I always have to stir it up with a spoon. There is a Starbucks in Singapore that I went to that had little plastic stir spoons, but they were like a plastic stir stick with a little spoon (more like a small tab) that wouldn't even reach the bottom of my cup! Plus, they didn't have Americano's in Venti size in Singapore, but that's another story.
I have yet to find a Starbucks that has spoons, unless they are out of those heinous sticks. I propose that for 2004 they plan to have something besides wooden sticks to stir the coffee. Surely someone besides me notices these sticks. In their plan to take over the world, Starbucks should have thought of something better than sticks. Every plan has a flaw I guess.
For now I think I'm going to carry around a long spoon in my car. For the price we pay, I think they can afford some long spoons. Anyone else agree? Any other gripes about coffee culture?"

William Gibson responded in his blog by saying this:

"SOMEONE COMPLAINS THAT THOSE WOODEN STICKS AT STARBUCKS...

Don't really stir the sugar into your coffee.

True, but there's absolutely nothing better for mixing Humbrol model-builder's enamel, in those tiny little cans. They also do a great job as disposable glue-spreaders. And if you build dollhouses, they can be used for *flooring*.

After your 400th post here, you can build a model of the Empire State Building out of them!

They are arguably the only genuinely beautiful, commonly available "free" objects in the American retail universe. Though not the most useful. The wire coathanger is still the most useful."

He went on to say in his next post:

"BUILD YOUR OWN HIGH-VOLTAGE ANTI-GRAVITY LIFTER USING STARBUCK'S WOODEN STIR-STICKS!

Actually I don't encourage anyone to do this; just looking at the pictures of what's inside your computer monitor is scary enough! Touch the wrong wire, there, and we're talking Crispy Critter. However, if you *were* going to build your own anti-gravity lifter, you *could* substitute Starbuck's stir-sticks, gluing them together with Elmer's white glue and a 1" overlap."

http://www.americanantigravity.com/lifterplans.html

I'm not sure how to describe this...

Chew on this.

I love eccentrics, as long as they mean well. The guy has goals, but I'm not sure why he's doing this. I don't think it's a hoax, because it's too well done and besides, what's the payoff for a joker? Internet fame? It's still amusing.

Urban Exploration

Here are some sites I found recently about an old pastime of mine: urban exploration.

The Urban Exploration Database: Zone Tour. I found the video of the sewer system pretty interesting.

Another one: Infiltration: The Zine About Places You Aren't Supposed To Go

From the Infiltration site, I found this pretty interesting: The Roswell Missile Silo. The guy doesn't say that it's specicifically Roswell, but I think it is. He says, " This presentation will take you on a full tour of a decommissioned, abandoned underground missile complex. The site was opened many years ago by explorers and vandals, and in fact the technology therein was nearly obsolete by the time the bases were completed in 1963, so there's little "secret" about it beyond the location of these sites, which we will not reveal here." Your call.

This is one located in Australia and it has the best decaying city photography I've ever seen, as well as some good photography of the living city: Sleepy City Urban Exploration

Here is a whole webring of urban exploration sites: UE Webring

St. Louis UE:

Here's one that I haven't really looked at yet, but it's from St. Louis: Ecology of Absence

Here's a very extensive UE site for St. Louis and the surrounding area of Illinois: Sonic Atrophy

There isn't one in San Diego yet, and I don't honestly see much of an outlet for it because this city is booming with growth. If something were to fall into disrepair for more than a week here, it would be demolished and a new building would be erected, pronto.
On my last trip home to St. Louis, I noticed that part of the environment of Missouri, at least the area that I come from is that there are a lot of houses/buildings/barns that haven't been used in years. It's really depressing to see the same old barn with the "No Tresspassing" sign on it that you remember from a young child. That's the way it's always been. Things fall by the wayside for a few years and no one there notices or does anything about it. It's only when you've been gone for years that these things really stand out.
In my younger years, I had many fun times roaming through the streets of Owensville, MO, always looking for things to explore. I remember finding an old grain silo, but the thing was still in use and it was gigantic, so we never ventured upon it's turf. We only looked from afar. I think at one time we had big plans to explore the sewer system, but it was more of a novel idea that when put to the test, wasn't that great. Caves are another big one, but it's an almost different monster altogether.
I think when I go home again, I'm going to do some more exploration. There is something about the idea of exploration in some forgotten urban (rural?) realm that begs discovery, especially with the boredom that abounds in those regions.
For now, here's a picture of yet another house or something resembling one, you can't even tell anymore. I've been looking at this thing since as long as I can remember.

This is what I call rural decay:

William Gibson Reading

Here's a photo from the reading in LA at the Barnes and Noble in Westwood. William Gibson read from Pattern Recognition, did a Q&A, and then signed our books.